Just a few days before a ceasefire deal between Israel and Hamas began last Sunday, more than 120 Valley residents eagerly tuned in to a virtual presentation by authors and friends — one Palestinian and the other Jewish — who for some time have sought ways to find common ground and bridge the divide between their peoples.

Time will tell whether the ceasefire holds, but Raja Khouri, who is Palestinian, and Jeffrey Wilkinson, who is Jewish, used the online gathering to share core messages about how they’ve been able to develop a deep friendship despite their different backgrounds.

“Listen to understand, not to respond,” Khouri said.

This was one of the messages of compassion that the two men highlighted as they discussed the book they co-wrote, “The Wall Between: What Jews and Palestinians Don’t Want to Know About Each Other.” The book explores the willingness to find shared humanity, sit with discomfort and challenge narratives that “demonize the other.”

Over the years, Khouri and Wilkinson have done exactly that — and the result has been a deeply authentic and enduring relationship. For the pair, a key component of that relationship has been acknowledging their mutual humanity and trauma, and finding ways to keep an open dialogue so they can heal together.

Through their book and forums like the one last Thursday night, hosted by the local group Bridging the Divide Coalition and Forbes Library, the authors hope to encourage more compassionate dialogue to take root surrounding Israel and Palestine — however difficult it may be.

“We are all dealing with grief that often exhibits itself in anger,” said Wilkinson. “And I’ll just share that sort of a goal I have in every conversation I have — I enter the conversation with relatively equal parts anger and compassion. I leave it with larger parts compassion and less anger. I think if that is your goal, you will do well.”

Khouri and Wilkinson shared how their own friendship has allowed them to open their eyes to the shared trauma that history has brought upon them, and how getting to understand uncomfortable stories can shift how people understand each other.

“Since October 7th, we do a lot of mourning together. We grieve together,” said Wilkinson. “We call each other up, we have conversations, we meet face to face, and we talk about what’s hurting us.”

“It meant so much to me when, you know, the early weeks when Palestinians in Gaza were being killed by the thousands daily — it meant a lot to me to be able to talk to Jeff about it and not just receive his empathy, but his assertion about the wrongness of what was happening,” said Khouri. “He confirmed my feelings and my emotions to me, and that meant a lot.”

These are exactly the kinds of conversations that Khouri and Wilkinson are hoping that more people can have surrounding Israel and Palestine. But, as they repeated throughout the night, these difficult conversations necessitate people wanting to learn about one another — or, at least, wanting to want to.

There are two main pillars that the authors repeatedly reference in their work which they believe are the main drivers of how people react to information about conflicts in Israel and Palestine: trauma and propaganda. For the pair, understanding and working around these pillars means taking the conversation out of the hands of politicians and advocacy groups, and putting it into the hands of those in the diaspora so they can better understand one another and find their common ground — building what Wilkinson referred to as “emotionally centered communities.”

Wilkinson and Khouri have been forced, through their own conversations, to confront some hard truths of their own. Khouri said that, for Palestinians, one of the hardest things to admit is that Jewish people do have a claim to the land they are fighting for, while Wilkinson said that he has found himself at times resistant to confronting “the true impact of Zionism on Palestinians.”

“I don’t want to feel culpable for another person’s pain, as all of us don’t want to,” he said.

At the conclusion of their discussion, many audience members submitted questions to Wilkinson and Khouri about combating polarization and brokering peace from their local position. The pair encouraged listeners to advocate for the U.S. government to play a more constructive and less self-interested role in the conflict, and to encourage the formation of grassroots movements, such as chapters of the group Standing Together, whose work Khouri repeatedly lauded.

Above all, the authors encouraged open and deeply compassionate conversations, where the goal is understanding new perspectives and airing complex emotions and fears, rather than expecting certain responses or allowing strong reactions to take over.

“Don’t let those who tell your narrative tell it in a way that demonizes the other,” said Khouri. “We need to know each other’s narrative, but that part of the narrative that attacks, demonizes, dismisses, is not helping any of us.”

The Bridging the Divide Coalition, largely composed of diverse local peace and justice advocates, seeks to promote dialogue that fosters understanding.

Alexa Lewis can be reached at alewis@gazettenet.com.